I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
