last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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