i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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