so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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