Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
