Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
