Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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