You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
