bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
