ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
