Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
