One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize