Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
