Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize