the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
