Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
