i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
