i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
