If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh god it's open bar.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
