Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
