i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
