I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
