Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
