You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
