So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
