Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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