Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
ttyl tear gas
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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