you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
