I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
