my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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