i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
