She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
