my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
