When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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