Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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