she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
