there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
