do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
