No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
