I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
