My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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