Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
