yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
