He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
