What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize