They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
