oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize