I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize