I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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