Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have demons in me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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