I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
