We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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