it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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