I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
