Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
