when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
