WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
