No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
