if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
