Plan B is the new Plan A
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
