Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
