It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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