Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
