you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize