Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
