He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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