If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
