just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
