I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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