She said her name was "party"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
