They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm always down for nudity.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
