It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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