3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
